Clarity

Clarity

I don’t know you anymore

But maybe that’s a good thing

The way it was supposed to be all along

And I saw your news of success

You finally did it

And I still wish you nothing but the best

Too young to notice way back when

I held onto you

Thinking you’d always be here

Yet, that was never the case

And I accept that now

Vicious people they tear into your heart

Taking all they can to fulfill their sick ways

But I know now

Accepting that some people are meant to teach strength

Thanks to you

I know how to be strong even in the hardest of times

I accept that love ends

But maybe that’s not love

Its different as we age

Young kids abuse a simple word

Yet as we grow up, we feel it

Love never fades away

Because true love

You stick around for

Work through every little problem

It’s hard to do especially for the lazy mind

But that’s true love

A feeling you cannot explain

A feeling that never goes away

So there it is

Again, I wish you nothing but the best

Truly I do

Because you’re the reason I am here

You’re the reason that through those dark times

I am now alive 

Daydream

Shake away the demons of your past
They will always let you down
But, your blinded by hope
You'll do anything to get that happiness back
That security that wrapped around you
Promising better days
Promising love that can never be taken away
But it was stolen, now your left to piece together the what ifs
And I'm left with nothing to say
Just this aching urge to write down my thoughts and feelings on this little page
Where no one will see.
No embarrassment will be served, no judgement
My secret will always be kept amongst all these tiny papers
Such a sad though to process
How I used to tell you all my secrets
And now you're one of them.

Strength

An open book that’s been read

Pages bent, torn from mishandled hands

That angrily scraped the beauty off the front cover

Composed of brightest reds 

That screamed love, passion for a life of endeavors 

Yet, naïve to life’s dangerous complications

As it aged with time

Experiences seemed to overtake the beauty of the outside

Countless lies ripped the trust sewed deep in the pages

From deceitful people unpleased with what they see

Ignoring the truth that lies beneath

The ugly framed structure that holds together paper sheets

But if you glance real hard

Open gracefully and handle with care

Read every single word and line

You might realize that the beauty remains

Edged inside in the strength

That can never to be taken away

Our Last Walk

One crooked step after the other

Like drunken man

Stumbling, struggling to walk straight

The cold breeze strikes up again

An intense gust this time hit hard against my cheeks

Causing my rosy complication to glow with misery  

Short legs take longer strides trying escape this discomfort

Flowing through every inch of me now, causing my body to ache

My chattering teeth, an obnoxious vibration increases with each step

Blocking out the surrounding of these angry streets

Yet, aside from the cars speeding past me, honking, blazing with rage 

There’s a shadow holding me back to my right

Towering over me

Like a tree protects the sun’s heat from those who enjoy the shade

But protection is far from this scene

More so holding me back, forcing me to slow my pace

A kind gesture, required

An invitation meant to be thrown away

With each step longer than the next

As if I am escaping fear every time my shoe touches the pavement

Determined to escape the shadow clenching onto my existence

Yet, the shadow does not go away

Screeching now for attention

Throwing bricks of insults in my face

A shadow of ignorance, oblivious I was from the start

Fakeness used to roll me in, compelling me to accept

Yet one step inside the building away from the cold breeze

My realization takes over, a rush of excitement replaces the aches

To finally be done with the darkness of your shadow

Now I am awake

What Work Means to Me

After asking people what they think work is

I came to the conclusion that no one knows.

Money is the number one motivation aside from power

But where is the happiness?

When do we actually enjoy life in the now

Rather than living to get ahead of others

So I decided to take this year and think through everything I have been through

To decipher what work is to me

Work to me is saying goodbye to regular routines

People I have known my whole life

To enter in a life that provides a crystal clean start

Work to me is living with a complete stranger

In an unfamiliar room tying us together

Work to me is pretending not to notice the rude remarks that spill behind my back

From a jealous heart and prosperous structure who judge innocent beings

With their ignorant heads

Work to me is saying goodbye to my partner in crime

Choosing temporary happiness that diminished before this years end

Work to me is realizing not everyone has the same intention as me

Being weak will label you as a prey in those shallow hearts of some

Work to me is facing those who destroyed my vision of love

Looking him in the eye, and spitting truth in his face

Finally receiving the closure I longed for all along

Work to me spending nights infested in a textbook

While those around me waste their money on alcohol and uneventful nights

Work to me is saying no to evil poisons

That display short-lived happiness found in a dead end way

Work to me is forcing myself to see strangers in people I thought would never leave

Dodging their waves and smiles as I pretend to never see

Looking down at my feet avoiding another awkward encounter

I’ve become so used to living in this unsocial building

Work to me is shedding my old ways in seeing love as my only way to survive

Settling for childish beings that use words to lure in the weak

Work to me is finding happiness in myself 

Never again will I see myself as beneath

Thanks to this year I now see what real work is

Not money or power or a superficial definition 

But the work to finding strength in hardships

In a life I’m proud to call my own 

Birds' Cries

It is the middle of winter,

A time where birds migrate to the South for warmth.

And yet with the window cracked open we let the cool breeze in

Warmth of the room escapes, letting the cold air take its place  

Whistling through the cool breeze, their cries fluttered the room of silence.

We recalled the utter strangeness of the sound.

Why are their birds in the middle of winter?

Lying there in silence, I thought of that question

As if questioning my existence in this room. Why am I here?

The high pitched cries sound of desperation

Almost as if they are crying for help, for anyone who will listen.

Aside from the nosy commotion of the cars driving up and down the street

Their gentle cries are all I hear.

I tune out his voice to avoid his desperate conversation and pretend to fall asleep.

The bird’s high pitches are continuing one after another now in a repeated motion

Louder than they were before. But no one seems to notice this time.

It is only me. Why me? Could this be a sign? Some kind of warning?

Leave now.

Yet, I stay.

I close my eyes and pretend that I am somewhere else.

With the bird’s cries as my background music, I dream of the summer days.

The warm breeze against my face, the long nights I spent with no worries of the consequences that would follow.

Just happiness.

But life isn’t that perfect. Or at least not always perfect.

The night is always what protrudes the sadness that is hidden throughout the day.

A time of realization that my actions are only hurting rather than filling that void.

And yet, here I am again back to reality with this person of no interest. A person that will soon fade.

My desperate ways look to have gotten the best of me, again.

Have led me to his room on such a late night

Like the birds, I’m crying for attention, for anyone, for love.

Bucket List

I feel inspired to write a bucket list of everything I ever want  to do no matter how crazy or impossible it may be. Never hurts to dream...... the list is not entirely ready but its all of the things I could think of at this moment

1. Fall in love

2. Move to California or at least stay there for awhile

3. Make a difference in someones life no matter what it may be

4. Graduate from college with a job that will make me happy

5. Get the words "forever young" tattooed on my hip

6. Explore downtown chicago for an entire day

7. Relive the Rihanna music video for We Fell In Love

8. See the band Brand New live

9. Give money and food to all the homeless people in Chicago

10. Lay in Millenium Park and people watch all day

11. Take a road trip with no destination 

12. Be responsible for the lyrics of some famous band 

13. Ride on the back of a motorcycle in between cars on all the highways in California 

14. Learn how to surf and skateboard

15. Die my hair black 

16. Spend an entire day at the beach (basically live at the beach)

17. Get rid of all my fears

18. Find an abandon road in the middle of the country 

19. Travel to Africa, dress up in feathers and face paint, and dance around a fire to african music
20. Find a guy who will go to every single music festival that there is in the United States where we will dress as hippies
21. Go to every single thrift store in Chicago no matter how shitty it is
22. Go to every single ice cream/ frozen yogurt place in Chicago
23. Learn how to play the guitar
24. Get married downtown to a guy who is different from anyone I've ever met and loves me with everything he has (basically I would love to relive the movie the Notebook)
25. Crash a party at the Drake in downtown Chicago
26. See Passion Pit and Animal Collective Live
27. Be an amazing mother someday
28. Go to an real underground rave
29. Dance in a flash mob
30. Be famous for a day (or maybe two....or three.....or an entire month)
31. Kiss in the pouring rain